Wednesday, February 28, 2007
I TRIED!!!I tried many ways to stop ol dis... but i hav no confidence wit my own self... as peeps olwaes tot im nt changing... n i feel so left out... at werk,family n even my babes n dudes... luckily aton n lin n ijah is there... who listen n understands my needs... true i went njoy wit dem xcept aton... but still they noe wat i need... n to my babes... im nt shure how to stop... n i tink i chg a bit... nt lyke the other tyme... lyke i frequently go... but nw im reducing it... sumhow or rather there's sumting missing in my lyfe... i gez i've to accept the fact dat i chg... i dunt deny dat... but it hurts me too wen i've been nagged by family,colleague n frens... i knew u guys care... but it makes me more stress rather den gettin betta... cos sumtymes ur werds hurts... but u r nt aware bout dat... but its a forgivable... dunt worie... even if i hav to die... i wont get u guys worie or trouble u guys... to ol babes n dudes... i luv u sooo much... n i miss u guys too... my BTT is on 9th mar... im nt shure if im gg nt... gg out later wit diq,ijah,lin n asrul... gg town i gez... dunnoe yet... c how... den gg out wit lin afta dat...
i blogged @
16:06
Monday, February 26, 2007
POSTS!!!
Im confused... wats gonna happen nex? still adapting to tings... hopefully its going well... n many tings happen recently... but tings was olryte...
met lin frequenty nowadays... dah mcm lesbo... hahaha... we share the same tings fer music... she werk wit me at the airport... nice person to b wit... we laugh,smile n joke ard... hahaha... tanx gf...
i miss u... so bad dat it lead me to a dream... nt shure if im ready too... to mit u... i olready noe its my faults... n paiseh of me to mit u... the plan of miting up wit the rest... giv me a 2nd tots... nt bcos of nt wanting to mit u n the rest... but bcos i dunt noe wat to ans to ol ur questions wen im bein ask... do u noe how bad i want to hear ur voice... but evrytime i tot of those werds i chg my mind... i feel scared... to even luk at ur eyes directly... i dunt want to promise anyting bout the plan...
dis is the part im confused abt... bout 3 guys... mr.S,mr.A & mr.F... bein a single pon confused... hehehe...
mr.S knew him frm frensta... he's 19... met him a few tymes... nt yet doin NS... he care n concern bout me... but in the wrg way... he wuld called me names n scold me... wich he says its the way he show his luv 2wards me... he make a song fer me n sang its 4 me on the fone... n those werds r related btw me n him... but the funny part is dat im nt shure... as he too gt many gerl frens ard him... n we olwaes fight jus bcos of lil tings... he's a jeolous type of person... cnt see me dance or see other guys touch me...
mr.A knew him frm my x skoolmate,shahlan... mr.A too show me care n concern... he's 20 dis yr... n still NS... he wuld oso called me his baby... he advised me as nt to jus njoy... there is a few tings in common btw us... but we do clique well... be it on the fone or wen we met... we luv to disturb each other too... n it has to cum to a sad ending by having another gerl in his hart... n im considered as the 3rd gerl in his lyfe... 1st his mum,the gerl n me... its kinda hurt... but lets jus c how it will b nex... cos the feelin fer him is there too...
mr.F knew him frm my ex bf fren... he's 25 dis yr... finish NS... been smsing wit him fer a few days... n it went well... he's single w/o commiting to any1 yet... he kip asking my fren wat kinda person i am... instead of noeing bout me by askin me himself... he's kinda shy type of person... n my fren asked me if there is sumting btw me n him... such as bein a couple wit him olready nt... but to me... its still a long way to noe bout each other... n too early to say... he too care bout me...
gf lin wants me to choose mr.F... but hmmm... im nt shure... im still single n its kinda fun bein single... n doin my stuff wit my gfs... im confused... n if i were to stop wit wat i do... i must find sum1 who's strict enuf fer me to listen too... cos im kinda 'degil'...
aniwae... HAPIE 45th BUFDAE IN ADVANCE FER MY LUVLY MUM... bufdae falls on 27feb... i luv u so much... i noe i've been bad... very bad... nt listening to u n stuff... but no matter wat ur olwaes my mum... 
i blogged @
19:47
Saturday, February 17, 2007
ARGH!!!Im nt angry wit u peeps... i feel dat im bein care... i reali appreciate ol ur care n concerns... but i nid my own space n tyme... "space" fer me to breathe... n "tyme" fer me to chg... i noe i cn... but jus bear wit me... im gg thru a hard tyme olready... so i nid ur support... to bear wit me... pls...HAPIE BUFDAE TO HAFIDZ...Hapie 23rd bufdae to u... may u b hapie... n lead a hapie lyfe nw n to the future... TODAE...Reached hm by 1600hrs... bath n get ready to go out wit bro hasman... tot he was alone... but actuali he brought his sibling n his gf along... was shocked... but eventually i click wit dem... especially his gf,isha... n his bro n his bro gf sheeda... his 2 other kuzzin is very the quiet type of lady... but still cn talk n joke ard... i was so hungry by the tyme we reached bugis... bro hasman wanted to eat pizza hut as he's craving fer it... at bugis there is no pizza hut so we went to marina pizza hut... we order alot too actually... i ordered beef lasagne... hehehe... had fun wit dem... den we took a train alighting at the same plc... but gg on the separate way frm dem... as i promise to mit up wit ijah... n dey plan to watch movie... but luking at the tyme of the show it will end late... so instead i went to mit ijah... n reservoir... reached there bout 2145hrs... n so i headed to street soccer... as diq n his frens r playin street soccer... a few of his fren i knew olready so we cn joke n clique ard... den ard 2330 i reached hm olready... n now here i am bloggin...
i blogged @
00:24
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
HAPPIE VALENTINES DAY...To my frens,colleague,babes,dudes n family... pls cherish the person n the moments wit joy... dunt end up losing both the person or the luv... HAPIE BUFDAE TO SYUKRAN AKA SYUKHapie 19th bufdae to u... may u b hapie n may luv engulf u truout the yrs n the yrs to cum... hopefully u will olwaes get more surprises... n olwaes remember... luv is nt sumting u cn bought... u cn have many babes... but stayin to 1 person is gewd enuf... but no gerl wuld want to b lyke a doll wit a hart... cos we too have feelin... i wish ol the best n endeavour... TO MY FRENS...(ATEM,MIN N OL WHO R CONCERNS)Im sorie... to dissapoint u babes n dudes... but trust me i dunt even wish dis to happen too... i may n maybe BLIND by njoyments... i dunt deny i'm havin fun... but at the end of the day i suffer... i agree wit u... haiz... how stupid cn i be... jus bear wit me...
i blogged @
20:18
Monday, February 12, 2007
TURNOVER A NEW LEAF???Im nt shure bout dat yet... cos i still wanna njoy... i noe dis is nt the ryte way to njoy lyfe... but wat else cn i do? chillin n stay at hm??? im werkin shift hrs... n my off days r nt appropriate... i noe u guys care... especially min... but seriously im nt ready yet... u guys want to c me hapie ryte??? so let me be... i noe... im bein selfish as nt to tink bout other peeps feelin... but how bout my needs??? bout my feelins??? bout my freedoms??? do u peeps care bout dat? i envy peeps who cn njoy lyfe... n i jus wanna b lyke dem... is it hard to ask fer...? wat i nid is my frens ard me... to kip me company wen im in my darkest days... but i cnt xpect much... n so do u peeps too... cnt xpect me to chg n stop it jus lyke dat... i noe i will stop ol dis but nt fer nw... as i still wanna njoy... i reali appreciates ol ur care n concerns... reali... i am... but jus giv me tyme to chg... as im nt ready yet fer nw... im sorie if wat i says may hurt any1 feelins... but im jus too tired of ol dis... d****** i will try to stop... but c*****& s*****... nt nw... nt yet... to min: im sorie agen... i noe u care bout me... dis is no1 faults... its mine... i will bear ol the concequences dat will happen in the future... ur nt to blame... ur doin ur job as my bestie fren... lyke i say... i will chg but nt fer nw... u may be angry wen i says dis... im a lil hurt... but i noe ur jus tellin me as im ur fren... n wat u says r true... n im nt angry wit u... im sorie agen frm the bottom of my hart...
i blogged @
23:56
Sunday, February 11, 2007
1stly... lets us sedekah al-fatehah to my gewd fren yayah,grandma... who left us at 0930hrs on 10feb... babe... b strong ayte... we r ol here fer u... especially... euana... me too r here... cn count on us...2ndly... im begining to hav dis awkward feelin towards MR.A... i cn feel dat im so care n concern towards him... even fir... says dat im still in luv wit him... hmm... am i? but luv cn oso play trick on ourself... MR.A went MOS last nite... he kol me saying dat he scared he will get drunk... as his fren wanna celebrate his bufdae yest... eventho his bufdae is still 10days... so im worie... he takin bike... cos i cnt afford to lose him as a fren too... if anitink were to happen... den... i kip koling his hp n its off... n it started to make me worie... damn worie... but whom am i to him... we r jus a fren... but as a fren i tink i deserve to b worie... i only had bout 30-45mins of slip at werk... the rest of the tyme i kip dialing his no... den at ard 0630hrs he msg me usin his jb no. dat he is safely hm... n i felt so relieve... atleast his fine nw... but i tink fer nw... i jus wanna njoy lyfe lyke wat i did nw... bein single... n do my own stuff... dats great... i've gt my own plans olready... NJOY!!!werkin m'ning shift dis wk... so a bit tired n restless lerr... n i've gt course agen tomorow... n its ofis hr... aiyo... furthermore its at AFT5... my colleague says the course is fun... n i hope it betta be... coz if nt i will shurely b sliping... hahaha... n dis course of mine is 2days course... so on wed hav to resume to my 0530hrs shift... as i cnt chg wit anita ol the way... cos of my course... aiyo... confem tired sehh... till here den... im so hungry... wanna eat...
i blogged @
19:20
Saturday, February 10, 2007
MEET-THE-PARENT SESSIONWas out frm hm ard 2000hrs... met remy at his plc reached there nearly 2200hrs... wich is my 1st tyme meetin him as well as his parent... hmm... was shivering... as its my 1st tyme meetin a guy parent... i was welcum... n was glad bout dat... many question promt on my mind then... remy was inside his rm... gettin ready to go out wit me... so i was left alone wit his parents,his bro(wan), his gf(nor) n his two cats(damn big)... n im scared of cats... aiyo... his dad talked to me... askin me question n givin advised... hmm... den wen remy was ready... i salam his family n went out wit remy... took a cab to mit up his fren... had fun... lots of fun... his fren was nice... mostly chinese... incl me there was jus 3 malay... nice ppl to hang out wit... to the peeps... tanx ayte... n dat incl penny... we r the only 2 gerls among the guys... hehehe... he intro me to his fren as his gf... wich i was quite shock...i told him... i dunt wanna b hurt agen... n im hapie wit wat im doin nw... bein single n do my own stuff... luv only hurts me more... rather den bein hapie... yeah tru... there will oso be hapie moments... but mostly its sadness... so rather den i hurt myself or hurt others... mite as well i stay dis way...
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17:41
Friday, February 09, 2007
THE RETURNHe return to my lyfe... n wanting to b wit me agen... shuld i? nahh... still to early... yes i do miss him... but luv? its nt there yet... lyke yes... but lyke n luv r 2 diff issue... he cheat me... fer other gerls... n nw he says he wont do it agen... he wants to b wit me... but i dunt noe... i dunt wish to tangle myself in r'ship yet... so i wanna c how he cn prove his luv n show me his luv is genuine enuf...im gonna mit REMY tonite b4 gg to "werk"... yup i mention REMY name... we ctc back... n he's the 1 i talked abt... im confused too... btw remy n acit... ARGH!!! i ctc wit ACIT too... wat am i suppose to do...??? but gettin into a r'ship nw is the least ting im tinking ryte nw... haiz... i jus want to njoy lyfe...
i blogged @
17:36
7DEC...Was damn fun... tanx agen dude n babe... it was great... had lots of fun... but sumting crop up... tanx to dat B***H... spoiling our mood ehk... met alot of my frens too... n gez wat... saw FENDI(x) at bdk int... den saw ACIT(x) was wit him actuali... hehehe... den REMY(?) msg me tru frenster... saying he miss me... hmm... wats wit guys??? suddenly wanting to ctc me agen... dis is so nt me or them... hmm... but i tink i still lykes 1 of those guy i mention... hmm... nothing wrg wit dat feelin ryte??? cos no1 understand ones hart... "if u like sumbody & sum1 whom u close dunt lyke it??? will u still continue dat feelin???" dats 1 tough question...was damn tired n of cos hungry...dunnoe wats wrg wit me... i feel hungry easily... aiyo... eat stress dunt eat pon stress... till here ayte... will update more agen nex tyme...
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03:27
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
AT HOME...Did nothing much... woke up at 1000hrs... luk at my hp n saw my msg frm aton n isha... isha asked me out... but cnt lerr babe... mlm nk "werk" nant pnat... hehehe... aton msg me... saying she cnt tag along... was so damn mad... evry1 seems to tell me last min... maner bleh xcept... izan... cool down okie... hehehe... but im fine nw... cumer bingit lerr... evrytings seems to b well plan den skali tk jadik... nvr mind... nex tyme perhaps... hehehe... so lata 1700hrs nk mandi... den at 1800hrs... gg to mit ijah 1st b4 gg to "werk"... hehehe... till here...
i blogged @
15:34
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
MY TWO DAYS COURSE... WORTH IT...I jus feel its worth it bcos it relax my mind... nvr did i tink bout my prob... isnt dat gewd... the person who is in the same wit me fer 2 days are... hasman,azlan,afiqa, fauziahz, zainbu, linda n me... hahaha... was damn fun... the trainee was danny lek... n tog wit us are k.zubaidah n taffy... won myself a note pad... atleast betta den anytink tho... im so relieve... had nasi sambel goreng... cost me 3 bucks... lunch was at 1130hrs... had my b'fast den hang ard... play pool... sempat kn... hehehe... den abt 1245hrs... headed back to the conferrence rm... whre we dod our course... play games,riddles n jokes ard... hehehe... the kecohiest person is none other den linda,zainbu n me... the guys were ol quiet... dunt noe wats wrg wit me... so crazy... laugh,smile n grin... u cn see it on my face... im gettin stronger... tanx evry1 n gawd too... niwae finish our course at 1700hrs... go hm wit affiqa... den mit up wit ijah... coincidence affiqa noe ijah n diq... as dey lives in the same level n blk... hahaha... olryte... reached hm bout 1940hrs... tanx gawd... evryting gg on track... but i cnt assume it nw... u nvr noe wats gonna happen tomorow... ryte...??? gonna hav fun... yea2... ol the best to u guys... the dark clouds is moving away frm the sky... n its a brand new cloud... wich luk lively n clean... hehehe...
i blogged @
23:43
Y DISTURB ME AGEN!!!I told u nt to disturb me animore... n i told u its my fault nt his... im the 1 who pass the fone to him... n i create dis mess... fcuk... if i noe dis gonna happen... i wont do dat... cos its sux... i jus dunt want u to disturb me animore... i told u nt to bear grudges on him... but if u bear grudges to me its okie... tings hav been sux to me... n recently i wanna b hapie... n wen im hapie... dis is happening... damn it... wats jus wrg wit me... n wats got into u... ur nw nt the same person dat i knew... u chg... but i dunt giv a damn abt it... wateva happen im gonna hav fun... n njoy myself... to my dude n babes... make me hapie ayte... dunt let me b down... tomorow... i wanna start a new me agen... i kip having a new me wenever im sad or bad... aiyo... hahaha...
i blogged @
00:04
Monday, February 05, 2007
UPDATES!!!Afta my previous post... i was feelin sad but still trying to adapt to it... n i did laugh,smile n jokes ard... but deep inside my hart oni god noes... how hard im gg tru it... bad-luck still wanna stick to me still i gez... i too dunt noe till wen... its been reali hard fer me... no point talkin n tinkin bout the tings wich hav happen to me... n nw i feel im useless... useless as a fren,colleague n family... n even im useless in luv... i jus feel so useless... argh... luvvvv... dat doesnt bother or mean anyting to me now... cos wat i want is njoy... n of cos njoy in a gewd way... i've realise my mistake... n i noe i did bad tings... but do ani1 understands dat...? u ppl want me to b hapie... tru but nt in the wrg way... or ppl will hav the wrg perspective 2wards me... dats wat u ppl olwaes say... but i dunt blame u ppl... cos i myself dunt understand my own self... how??? n i dunt wanna b a burden to u ppl... its betta dat way... jus kip my prob to myself... sumtymes suicide did cum across my mind... i noe its nt a healthy tinkin... but wen ur stressed n too much tinkin u may lead urself to death... i jus dunt noe lerr... jus pls dunt rake up the past... n i tink i shuld b okie...
i blogged @
19:55
Friday, February 02, 2007
...At last... i've cried... eversince sun i culdnt cry... i feel betta afta crying... tanx bestie min... im luking forward to hav a new lyfe ahead... n aton too... tanx... it has been hard on me tho... n i hope the tears dat came out frm my eyes will oso bring away my prob... i jus hav to xcept the fact... n im nt shure if im still or im nt... i did wrg... i cnt turn ard the tyme... its ayte... even tho its hard... but will hav to xcept it... n i want the old me... wit a new start of lyfe... i used to b cheerful,laughin ard, jokes ard n smile... but i tink i miss those me... haizzZ...
i blogged @
12:11
DUNT BLAME ME FER CALLIN U NAMESU asked fer it... u make me suffer dis hard pain agen... i hate it sooo much... ur jus lyke the other guys who hurt me... had enuf tho... u knew it... n easy fer u to say as ur a guy... i dunt wanna blog bout him... no point... i jus hav to move on...BESTIE MIN IF U HAPPEN TO READ DIS POSTS...Im sorie i didnt tell u earlier... i was down... n i dunt noe how to tell u... promise to kip it as a secret till my last breathe...? okie? n i dunt reali wanna talk bout it... cos its jus make me feel more worse... the tots of it r jus so scary... i knew im stupid... i dunt blame it if ur mad at me... cos im mad wit myself too... im feelin tired n tired evry single day... lyke i say b4... im pushin myself to live evry single day... movin on even wen shit happen to me... n 1 tink u shuld noe... i reali hart u dearly... so no matter wat... ur still my bestie... IM SORIE AGEN... i broke my own promise... im so sad n stress... but dunt worie... i shuld b fine... its jus a matter of tyme... takin care ayte... muackzzz...
i blogged @
03:06
POSTS!!!FER 30TH JAN...Saw zul online... so early online... gt to noe he didnt went skool... due to sum reason... so asked him if he's gg out or sumting... so i asked him if he wanna accompany me nt go TM to get my replacement SIM CARD... he says he gonna go TM too... wit arep... i say cn lerr... so plan mit up ard my blk... as arep lives near my blk... mat him up olmost 1pm i tink... den we proceed to mcdonald to hav our b'fast... both of us had mcspicy... its been my favourite since... hehehe... den we headed to the bustop to get the bus to tamp... we took bus svc 8... reached TM... lukin ferr arep... as we plan to mit him ard tamp small mac... afta dat we proceed to get my SIM CARD... i've gt $100 vchr... fer the hp... hehehe... nw im lukin fer a hp nw... any1 care to top up fer me??? hahaha... afta dat we dunt noe whre to chill2... so i plan to go esplanade as its been long since i went there... n furthermore i was feelin down... i jus wanted to shout... ARGH!!! but den dis arep whre so slack... so he want to go hm n chg his clothes 1st... so we actuali went back to bdk res jus to follow him chg clothes... afta chging clothes we took bus svc 65 to go bugis instead... aiyo... dis arep olwaes chg mind last minute 1... n sumore i n zul dunt mind... so its ayte... inside bus we disturb each other... especially the both guys... mcm anjing n kucing... hehehe... i had lots of fun... n both of dem actuali advised me alot... tanx guys... reached bugis walk ard... den i dunt noe y i wanna chill at esplanade sooo much... sit ard n talked nonsense... hahaha... walked ol the wae frm bugis to esplanade... upon reachin esplanade, its still hot... bought 2 cans of coke... the guys gave each other a "teka-teki"... as fer me... i listened n join the fun... den had a kol frm ilah... tellin me sumting... wich i cnt blieve... told zul n arep... dey cool me down... n cheer me up... was so touching... den ard 1930hrs we went off frm there n took a train back to eunos mrt station... met ilah up 1st to pass my bestie bag... den we proceed to jln tenaga to mit bestie up to get the hp frm her n pass her the bag as well... miss her soo much... hug her... follow her to the shop... den she went hm... n zul n arep send me ard my plc... tanx guys... alot... had fun wit u guys ard... tanx agen...
i blogged @
02:19
